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long shot! 9/6/2015
jack takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next
to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot
when he hears, "Ribbit. 9Iron"
Jack looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit.9Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong,
puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 ...
4 Comments, 95 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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oh father! 9/6/2015
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland
asked the Priest beside her.
‘Father, may I ask a favor?’ ‘Of course. What may I do for you?’ ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair
dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry
it ...
1 Comments, 101 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Height of ambition 9/6/2015
A newly married gay cpl honeymooning in New Orleans visits
the River Walk. They see this huge boat paddling past, with
all the Jazz music blaring. They turn to a local standing
near-by and ask what kind of boat is that. 'Why that
one is just a Ferry Boat...carries passenger and cars from
one side of the river to the other. Wait awhile and you'll
see the Natchez come by...now that's a Party ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Height of competition 9/5/2015
Two dudes 1/2 drunk in New Orleans get turned around and
find themselves on the Crescent City Connection, which
is like 28' above the River connecting E & W Bank.
Both have an urge to urinate, so they scramble to the safety
rail and whip it out. The 1st one smiles and said: "Damn
that water is cold.' Whereupon the other replies:
"Hell yeah and it's deep too."
1 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Heights 9/5/2015
Here is the height of egotism: a midget on the Mississippi
River floating on a surf board, while masterbating, approaching
a bridge. He begins to scream: 'I don't have a horn!
For gawd's sake open the draw gate!"
1 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Revenge 9/5/2015
An African Bush Rat was living comfortably with his family
at the base of a Banyan tree. Their little nest was standard
construction for their breed and had served them well over
the years. One day a passing herd of elephants was moving
through the area just grazing and a large female inadvertently
stomped right in the middle of the nest - resulting in fatalities.
The daddy rat out foraging ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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another - 'Customer Service' 9/3/2015
Two New Orleans cops out on the beat - 1 a Vet & the other
a rookie. They keep passing this house with a red door and
noticed a string of men going in and out. The rookie asks:
what do you think that's all about? The Veteran: ...it's
probably a whorehouse. Tell you what, we'll keep an
eye on it and tomorrow, I will get permission to wear civies
and we'll bust 'em. Gotta be right there ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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What's Blue 9/1/2015
Q: What's blue and fucks old ladies ?
A: Hypothermia
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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heart attack!! 8/30/2015
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange
noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to
find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack, " cries the
husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just
as she's dialling, her four-year-old comes up
and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in ...
6 Comments, 140 Views,
15 Votes
,6.65 Score
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ma B!! 8/30/2015
A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'
had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next
question correctly, she would win 1, 000, 000. If she
answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25, 000
milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar
Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following
species of birds does not build its own nest but instead
lays its ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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rights! 8/30/2015
The following took place at an international conference
for women's rights.
The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During
last year's conference, we spoke about being more
assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told
my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for
him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Rosebuds 8/26/2015
A comes downstairs to go on date with a see-through
Blouse and no Bra.
Her Grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare
go out like that!
The tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern
times. You gotta let your Rose Buds show!’ And out she
goes.
The next day the comes downstairs and the Grandmother
is sitting there with no top on. The wants to ...
2 Comments, 189 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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A Limerick 8/25/2015
There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.
0 Comments, 27 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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A Limerick 8/25/2015
There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.
0 Comments, 10 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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so thoughtful! 8/23/2015
a man came home to be with his wife one rainy day and saw her
lover running from the house, so he slapped his wife. crying she said, " that's the man that bought
you that nice pair of shoes that you love and on your feet
right now, he pays the bills, and he makes the down payments
on the car that your driving!!" Enraged, he replied, "that's the reason I slapped
you honey, the poor man is running ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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have to love mama! 8/19/2015
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian,
she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying
at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother
reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's
a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt
and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her ...
2 Comments, 137 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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fore!!! 8/15/2015
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of
men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began
to apologize. 'Please allow me to ...
6 Comments, 137 Views,
15 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Frog wants a loan 8/14/2015
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose
name plate says Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50, 000 loan to
take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will
be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."
Patty explains that he will need to secure the ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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burglar proof 8/12/2015
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you".
Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his
search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you".
He turned around and saw a parrot in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot
said, "yes."
He asked the parrot what his name was and ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
16 Votes
,6.51 Score
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older couple 8/12/2015
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night
when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom,
flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!"
The old man says "I'll have the soup."
0 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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BJ for Money 8/12/2015
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases
packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think
you're going?" he says. "I'm going
to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I
figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you
free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes
back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where
do ...
2 Comments, 117 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
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Sexual Exhaustion 8/12/2015
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about
tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses
for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition
or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass,
male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Flashlight 8/12/2015
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark
forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets
up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass
for the past ten minutes!"
0 Comments, 28 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Hanjob 8/12/2015
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough
rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night,
the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild,
vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left
wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream,
too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's
funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
1 Comments, 37 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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best cabbie ever! 8/11/2015
A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi
A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi in Glasgow.
He asked the driver to turn off the radio because as decreed
by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because
in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially
Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The taxi driver politely switched off the radio, ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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Just a few oldies 8/10/2015
Just a few pics I've had for years.
0 Comments, 43 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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good doggie!!! 8/9/2015
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl,
"I'll send my out to see if there are any ducks
out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there,
I'm not going hunting." So he sends the out
to the pond. The comes back and barks twice. Chester
says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw
two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're
going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
Earl ...
5 Comments, 132 Views,
17 Votes
,6.24 Score
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Some jokes 8/8/2015
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A:
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both
hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!
Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during
sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge
source Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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oh cindy!! 8/3/2015
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life
with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking
chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon,
out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you
doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have
lived a good wholesome life ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
19 Votes
,6.29 Score
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And that's how the fight started 8/3/2015
Earl's wife told him to go get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came home he handed her a bottle of Diet Pills
3 Comments, 90 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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